Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
