How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
