Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
