If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
