..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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