when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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