wrigley field is MILF paradise
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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