im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
