I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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