Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.

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  (408): I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks. http://tfl.nu/3tl8
  Replies (12) Good night (1594) Bad night (660)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day

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  (973): yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day http://tfl.nu/9i5e
  Replies (13) Good night (1333) Bad night (2754)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.

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  (434): I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach. http://tfl.nu/7n8a
  Replies (14) Good night (4236) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.

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  (631): It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself. http://tfl.nu/t99x
  Replies (16) Good night (3616) Bad night (972)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area

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  (402): New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area http://tfl.nu/w77p
  Replies (24) Good night (762) Bad night (4239)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.

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  (304): I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster. http://tfl.nu/69p8
  Replies (34) Good night (3612) Bad night (2446)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination

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  (909): ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination http://tfl.nu/afca
  Replies (156) Good night (1009) Bad night (22881)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying

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  (917): I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying http://tfl.nu/unbu
  Replies (12) Good night (1090) Bad night (6315)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

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  (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real. http://tfl.nu/3nu3
  Replies (32) Good night (2470) Bad night (6648)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.

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  (417): Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by. http://tfl.nu/hvbu
  Replies (14) Good night (3344) Bad night (1090)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...

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  (+61): Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones... http://tfl.nu/dtoz
  Replies (4) Good night (2841) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."

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  (213): My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie." http://tfl.nu/jevy
  Replies (38) Good night (3810) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.

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  (260): Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you. http://tfl.nu/7qhe
  Replies (0) Good night (846) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?

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  (586): Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right? http://tfl.nu/hfcq
  Replies (2) Good night (577) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.

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  (941): I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know. http://tfl.nu/6x6w
  Replies (0) Good night (291) Bad night (589)

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