can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit