so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
