If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist