Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in