Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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