hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
