afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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