Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
