My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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