You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
