I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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