I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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