I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
