Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We left an ass print on the piano.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
