party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
