Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
