My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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