At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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