The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The air was thick with penises
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
