I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
