there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
