Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
