I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
