why didn't you poke me back
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
