Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
