JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
