i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
