Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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