Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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