Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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