Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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