The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
