this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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