i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
