5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
