She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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