I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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