In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
