she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
