Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
