he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize