I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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