Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
