Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
