She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was like eating out sand paper
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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