Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
