I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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