the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
