Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
