i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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