I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it was like his penis was on wheels.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
