i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
