The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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