Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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