I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
