awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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