I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
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The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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