My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
