not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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