I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
