the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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