Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
