that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
being pregnant is like rehab
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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