New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
