as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
