Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
