let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
