Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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