He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
