I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
