now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My ATM looks so different sober.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
