I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have aggressive nipples.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
