I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
