Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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