Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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