508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
