he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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