That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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