You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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