I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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