Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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