I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
